Fifty Shades of YAWN

Go ahead and get the snickers out of the way.  Yes, I read the first 2 books in the 50 shades trilogy.

After about half way through the second book I had already told myself that I probably won't read the last book unless it leaves a cliff hanger as big as the first one did.  Either way, I wanted to share my thoughts and opinions on one of the biggest selling not-quite-but-very-close smut books on the market right now.
Truth be told, this is the first book I've sat down to read since I was made to in schoo, so perhaps my review won't be a very good one as I don't have a ton of literary experience to what is good what is bad.

That being said, heres my thoughts on the books!

The story itself was intriguing enough to get me to at least stick through and read the second book as well.  When I first picked it up and started reading I had the expectation that I would get bored with it quickly and stop reading shortly into it, that wasn't the case.   There was just enough backstory to get you going and not bore you to death, yet didn't have to keep flashing back to the past in depth enough that you had to keep track of what part of the book you were reading.  
It got really really REALLY repetitive though.  I've never been to Seattle or Oregon, but I hope to god that this book isn't based on how these people actually talk!   Every other response was a "murmur",  they often repeated each others' phrases, and overall they were just dull.  The main character had 2 alter egos in her head (different Consciouses)  but even the "goddess" one was meh.   

The sex was dully written.  I've read much more exciting erotica from complete amateurs on the internet than this!  And the fact that you read every. single. day. Of this girl's life after meeting this guy that has way too much money is monotonous.   Literally every meal, every thought, what she wore every day and night.  Ugh it was excruciating  by the time I decided I was going to stop reading after book 2.  

I'm not saying the book overall was bad, perhaps I'm just reading it wrong because I have testicles. I don't know, but all of the hoopla over it is way over the top.

Someone had told me that rope sales went up 10% after the book was published... A. Who tracks that to such a granular level. 2. Who's to say it was the book that created the demand for the rope? And D. There was little to no rope play in the first 2 books to begin with!  From what others have told me the 3rd book is too hurried and smooshed together to have that big of an impact on anything.
I wonder if more butt scratchers have been sold thanks to Family Guy? " BUTT SCRATCHA??!! BUTT SCRATCHA!! "

All in all, I was annoyed by the lack of different adjectives, the overall tone of the people's murmuring every fn sentence, and the over all dullness of the book.
I'm sure the soccer moms of the world are swooning over this mythical man, and if it helps their love lives at all then I'm all for more of these books hitting the market.  If rather just watch a movie with some light kinky undertone to it.

That's just my 2¢  I wouldn't discourage anyone from reading it, just don't have any high expectations of literary genius from the writer.


BUTT SCRATCHA!!!